This piece first appeared on our site July 11, 2016.
Dear Pony World,
Sit down. We should talk for a minute. I see the show lists every week, perusing the classes for this and that over which to pontificate on the internets. And I can’t help but notice that the pony-naming game is the most bizarre and unpredictable smorgasbord of things to call a tiny expensive fuzzball.
At first it seems as if there’s just no rhyme or reason to it, and it became my innermost mission to make sense of the cacophony of sounds which make up a Green Pony Hunter class list. After several focus groups, expensive market research, and careful statistical analysis, we’re ready to reveal one of the Universe’s great mysteries. We’ve broken down the pony naming process into these five basic categories, thus making sense of the otherwise utterly senseless.
Disclaimer: these are in fact 100% completely real names collected from USEF class and qualification lists. The rest, however, is a bunch of light-hearted hogwash, and make no mistake that I love your pony’s name, whatever it is.
Whether you name him ‘Steve’ or ‘Hotel McGovern’s Watery Cheesecake’, make sure you love on him with all your might, and Go Jumping!