Don’t get me wrong – I’ve seen my fair share of world-class shows in my day. Beautiful bizarres, multimillion dollar horses, a handful of celebrities if the timing is just right. But The Hamptons – this is a whole other ballgame my friends.
If you suddenly find yourself transported to a strange and magical place where horses are jumping things for prizes and you have no idea where you are, here are ten simple ways of knowing if you’re Dorothy and you’ve crossed the rainbow to the Hampton Classic Horse Show. (Also, I don’t recommend going back to Kansas in this scenario. Just stay where you are and see if a nice celebrity adopts you.)
1. The Dogs are Royalty.
These aren’t your average horse show pooches. They’ve been professionally groomed. They have bedazzled collars. They sleep on freshly won championship coolers.
2. There’s kombucha champagne.
And I’m just certain it’s organic and gluten-free.
3. The horse show boutique sells nautical-wear.
And that’s not weird to anyone.
4. Snak5thAvenchew.
First, it’s a play on words about Saks 5th Avenue, which is hilarious. Second, those are GOURMET PET TREATS, guys. I know, I would also eat anything on that table, but I’d be eating pony donuts or dog treats, and they’d probably still be better for me than what I ate for breakfast this morning. Fo’ real.
5. There’s a jockey riding a pet tortoise.
I’m not sure what it has to do with the Hamptons, but I know it’s never happening at the horse show down the street from me.
6. Celebrities be snapchatting they kids from the VIP tent.
7. Top of the Line Drinking Accessories.
Drinking so fancy, you have a butler hold your luxury flask up to your lips.
8. The competitors are all clean and put together and look like supermodels.
Undoubtedly, some of them actually are.
9. Designer Hoof Oil.
That’s a thing.
10. MARTHA STEWART.
#dropthemic #youaredefinitelyintheHamptons #denimondemin
If you’re within a six hour drive with nothing better to do, indulge yourself and head to the Hamptons, my friends. And don’t forget to bathe and wear something clean.
Go Jumping!
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